How did I heal from hurt and abuse?

I processed my feelings through grief.

Bringing unconscious layers to conscious renewed

My heart and my soul and belief

That I have the power to heal what they did

When they took my power away.

I expressed buried feelings, that’s how I got rid

Of my sadness, my shame, and my rage.

When I opened my throat and let my rage out

And let tears flow out of my eyes

Then I began to feel without doubt

My power and strength could arise

Now when I’m faced by one‘s who attack

My throat is now open to speak

I can put up a boundary, get away, or fight back

I’m now the protector I seek.

When I found acceptance through processing grief

I now can speak truth and can see

When I braved my unconscious I found conscious relief

I have healed from abuse, and I’m free❤️

We’re told to be grateful for all that we have even through all of life’s trials, but when life is painful, traumatically bad, to be grateful is truly denial.

If you put on a smile only look on the bright side you’re not dealing with life that is real; you add to the unconscious where dark feelings hide repressing how you truly feel.

This is the way the world got so crazy why we live in a world of delusion; why truth is not clear and at best it seems hazy, when we treat how we feel as intrusion.

If my life seems good and going quite well, my unconscious creating less chaos; we still have a world living in hell, projecting unconscious to wake us.

We must all work together create what is real, acknowledge the good and the bad; make the unconscious conscious express how we feel then balance will someday be had.

When we see our untruths like false gratitude create our unconscious spell; we can then break the spell by expressing what’s true and awaken from unconscious Hell.

“Black lives matter,”they shout, because they well know that racists don’t value their lives. “All lives matter” shout racists unconsciously showing racism’s not over it thrives.

They shout “all lives matter” to deny and negate that racism even exists. They don’t see they’re exposing their white racist hate that explodes when black people resist.

This comes from their ancestral white privileged core to conquer and use what they will. When you believe you’re supreme then you can ignore the fates of the lives that you’ve sealed.

ONLY WHITE LIVES HAVE MATTERED right from the start when they came and took over this land. They stole what they wanted and tore lives apart, the natives who lived here be damned.

Then they kidnapped black people away from their lands to enslave till they took their last breath. They beat them and forced them to meet their demands, without recompense worked them to death.

Then when they were “freed” from slavery’s bonds, still then, they could not overcome. Through the law’s of Jim Crow racist rage then responds to keep black people under their thumb.

When Dr. King came they marched and they prayed to get back what white people stole. Still racists deny the role racism plays in costing this country our soul.

Our country still loses some soul everyday from denying racism exists. When we refuse to acknowledge we have debts to repay they must tell us once more with raised fists

“We will shout BLACK LIVES MATTER till we matter to ALL!” If ALL listen and heed this appeal, then ALL lives will matter, and together do ALL, to repair our Soul’s damage and heal!

For better or worse

for richer or poorer

In sickness and health

till death do we part.

The love he expressed

In his vows would assure her

Until she gained weight

and his words broke her heart.

He told her he’d lost his want and desire

Her body no longer looked good.

To him staying thin is what is required

His wife to do all that she should.

He threatens to leave because of her weight

He rejects her body and soul.

Now that she’s filled with hurt and self hate

Should being thin now be her goal?

Is it true love when the

marriage is through

When her body

is no longer thin?

Is thinness a duty

that she should now do

Or is this a game

she can’t win?

“For thinner or fatter”,

the vows should ask that

and see if he’ll

marry her then

For if he won’t love her

if she gets fat

Did he love her

when she was thin?

Does history repeat itself?

When will we ever learn?

Dust off the book left on the shelf

And read it till we yearn

Again for truth our heart can feel

Within this book is found

Yet once again we’ve lost what’s real

Deceit and lies abound

Again a tyrant planted lies

So fear and hate would spread

And only he could then devise

A plan to cure the dread

The truth was lost so he could gain

More power, fame, and glory

The world was left to feel the pain

Intended to destroy

The bonds of our humanity

And all our ties that bind

The love that gives us sanity

That makes us good and kind

Yet we cannot give up or in

To tyranny and fear

We must wake up from where we’ve been

Till deeper truth is clear

When history does repeat itself

It’s history we deny

When books are left upon the shelf

That told us of the lie

But if we heed the lessons learned

From cycles in our past

With a conscious future earned

We’ll then be “free at last”!

All humans come from one African mother

From there we spread over the Earth

To Asia, Australia, and Europe and further

Until a mutation was birthed

Light skin was needed to let more sun in

To keep migrants in Europe alive

With so much less sun they needed light skin

To absorb the sun’s rays to survive

This is the reason light skin came about

It was just a genetic mutation

Of our ancestors genes which could not live without

Protection with more pigmentation

So there is no reason on earth to conclude

Superiority equates with light skin

Only sunlight absorption makes us differently hued

And each hue fit the place it was in

We all come from one dark-skinned African mother

Our colors just shades of her skin

All humans exist due to her and no other

From darkest to light we’re her kin

Old Pete McKenzie only pretends he

Is better than those that he judges

The truth is he’s jealous of being rebellious

Their authentic lives he begrudges

He unconsciously yearns for knowledge, to learn

Eat the fruits he was taught are forbidden

But now it’s too late he’s too old and sedate

So he’ll die feeling shame and guilt ridden

From all of the blame he used in his game

Projecting his judgement on “sinners”

He left “sinners” behind believing he’d find

Heaven and be declared winner

When his life is reviewed after death he’ll conclude

To eat fruits that give knowledge is best

He’ll now see he misjudged all the lives he begrudged

Left behind as the “sinners” progressed

Only black people know how much pain they have suffered, endurance has kept them alive. Through enslavement, Jim Crow, racist systems injustice they’ve had to be strong to survive.

No racist could live through a walk in their shoes from enslavement through law’s of Jim Crow. Through marching for decades still taking abuse just to get back the freedom they stole.

Why can’t a racist feel this inside? They are numb to why black people hurt. Everyday they still deal with racisms divide while racists deny, and divert.

They are blind to the truth, unconsciously driven, to deny their self hate they’ve projected, to scapegoat black people and can’t be forgiven until their racism’s rejected.

When they have atoned for their harm and abuse and have asked for forgiveness and grace from black people who come from our strongest deep roots we’ll become a Whole human race.

When the caring are outraged by what’s being done

To abuse and harm people of color

Racists cry “outrage” say they are the ones

Abused, displaced, and who suffer

You don’t get to equate the outrage we feel

With your “outrage” that you’ve misdirected

You have cloaked in the flag and white pride to conceal

Your self-hatred denied then projected

On people of color you’ve killed with your lie

Who stood up to your scapegoating hate

For the INNOCENTS lost we stand up and defy

Speak the truth, don’t let racists equate

They must be confronted their deception revealed

They must change for our outrage to cease

Their unconscious self hate must be consciously healed

For our country to truly have peace

Abortion opponents

Love embryos more

Than babies and children

Who when born they ignore

They support “life”

Then oppose life worth living

Healthcare or welfare

They oppose giving

They oppose education

That would give them head starts

They don’t want to foster

Live beating hearts

Taken from homes

Unloved and abused

These unwanted children

Were just pawns that they used

Hypocritical stands

Between practice and preaching

Has caused us to ask

What are Christians now teaching

Where’s love for thy neighbor

That Christians once taught

When Christians turned cheeks

Without any thought

When they helped and fed children

The hopeless, forlorn

When all these things mattered

Not just the unborn

What Christians oppose

They should tell the whole truth

They save the unborn

let them die in their youth

When does a life truly begin

Conception, the heartbeat or breath?

If we lose life’s potential once held within

Is miscarriage a certified death?

Should women with certified lives get to choose

What life she is able to bear

Only SHE knows her life, what she’ll gain or will lose

She’s not likely to choose without care

Conceptions are lost all the time without knowing

A heartbeat or breath will not be

Two hearts cannot beat if breaths are not flowing

The breaths a woman must breathe

Till the, “life is sustainable”, milestone is passed

The only life here is a mother’s

With her heartbeat and breath she can choose till the last

To share possible life in another

With no life guaranteed if chosen or not

Because ALL lives start out as potential

We must care and put first the life that we’ve got

A woman’s life and her choice are essential!

Mother to us all

She called us from the heavens

Never did we fall

Unbridled passion is sexual shame

Fueled by taboo like gas on a flame

Partners that cheat or teenage mistakes

Are results of sexual shame when it breaks

Boundaries within us that make us feel strong

Without intact boundaries there’s no right or wrong

As shame gets denied for a while it first numbs us

But sooner or later taboo overcomes us

We lose all control in excitement of “passion”

But in truth it’s taboo forcing shame into action

Through torrents of sexual feelings and shame

Creating disasters with “passion” to blame 

If we want to heal we must consciously choose

To recycle our shame into love we can use

If we feel and express toxic shame till it’s through

Start loving ourselves and forgive ourselves too

We can have a new start with old programs deleted

With space new connections can now be completed

All channels can open to give and receive

We can choose to say yes or say no and leave

Our boundaries won’t break in one moments attraction

Because they are strong with self love and Compassion!

My parents believed in not sparing the rod. They thought they had duty and orders from God. They thought that their Rods were why I behaved. I almost repeated this lie but was saved.

A couple came over our husbands were friends. Within the first hour his wife Judy defends my own little boy who I thought I was teaching by slapping his hands when he wouldn’t stop reaching.

I thought I was showing great discipline skill. She looked at me sternly which gave me a chill. Then said most directly there are much better ways of teaching your son. To hit him betrays boundaries of trust that cause him to fear. He might then hurt others or shut down and not hear.

I was shocked into silence she had put me on pause. But I later did research then took up her cause. But Judy was gone by the end of the week and had moved out of town before we could speak. I wanted to tell her how much she had meant to me and my family in the short time we spent.

I never could find her for thirty three years. But one day while searching I broke down in tears. There was her name my Judy had died. It’s too late to speak to my Angel and guide. But I knew now she knew in those moments so brave by speaking her truth my whole family was saved.

My poems aren’t written with colorful words

That paint abstract stories with lines that are blurred

My words are intended to make abstract real

For my abstract unconscious to clearly reveal

True feelings felt best through rhythm and rhyme

Rhymes that hold reasons beyond space and time

Feelings that thousands of words might contort

But through rhythm and rhyme make a long story short

Religion has shamed us for using our senses.

“Pleasure’s a sin” that has Hell consequences.

This has caused disconnection of body from soul.

Created taboos that we cannot control

Created this polarized world torn in two

The good and accepted and the hated taboo.

From overweight people to hypocrite priest

Denial and the shame for our pleasure increased

Secret compulsions unconsciously stored

That make us act out what we say we abhor.

We’ve all become addicts fueled by our shame

With religion made scapegoats created to blame

These “Demons” that taunt us to do these bad things

Like we are just puppets tied to their strings.

But if we all deal with our feelings denied

Shout out our anger and let tears be cried

Go through the grief process till there’s no shame

Pay back our debts without demons to blame

No longer will shame and taboo have control

Because now our body is guided by soul!

Starving sick children suffer and die.

Why don’t we all feel this? Why do some deny?

This unconscious fate on some level all suffer.

But some have created a wall as a buffer.

Some stopped feeling pain and learned to be stoic?

To grin and bear pain in their minds was heroic.

So many through time learned suffering’s silence,

No matter the harm or hurtful the violence.

So with self denial we must deny others.

We turn a blind eye to our sister’s and brother’s.

This cold willful blindness is holding us back

Our world cannot change if we don’t feel our lack.

We have to be real not accept status quo.

Express our unconscious Will till we go

Create a new world where no one is left

No starving sick children or parents bereft.

When fully awake we will not accept

That things cannot change because nothing is kept

Unconsciously hidden and dormant within.

When both thoughts and feelings are One we’ll begin

To change EVERYTHING, with clear conscience create.

For there’s nothing unconscious creating our fate!

Unsplash photo

Has anyone yet resolved their duality

Dealt with their unconscious that makes fate reality?

Do the gurus that focus on mind meditation

Create with their light our conscious sedation?

And make our collective unconscious grow more

Does their focus on light hide the dark they ignore?

Do they really believe that their light overcomes

Our collective unconscious so heavy it numbs?

No gurus aren’t going to ascend in their sky

And leave behind darkness that they now deny

We’re in this together through thick and through thin

Stop making this harder to even begin

Please deal with your unconscious darkness inside

For empaths are drowning in what you’ve denied

Let all of your unconscious feelings be known

Let them intervene with your thoughts till you own

And bring them together till they become ONE

Then polarization will finally be DONE!

There is no TRUE LOVE in a world of polarity

Just attachment and fear of it’s loss in disparity

In polarity opposites forge our attraction

We don’t know we’re longing for chemical reaction

But a chemical bond between people can break

No matter your longing or promise you make

Our bond with our spouse, a loved one or friend

Can one day dissolve and come to an end

So is there a way to find True Love that stays?

That never will end at the end of all days?

Ah yes there’s an answer an unconscious key

Beyond space and time there is gravity

She keeps all in place with true love she holds us

In her embrace her true love enfolds us

Gravity has no opposing attraction

No chemical bonds forced into reaction

Just UNCONDITIONAL LOVE holding fast

That can never be lost and forever will last

When polarity resolves and attachment desolves

All still holds fast around TRUE LOVE revolves

I was born treading water in an ocean of shame

Where did this shame start is my family to blame?

Did it start with a trickle and end in this flood

Do the “sins of the father” end up in our blood?

In centuries past we strove just to live

There was rarely time or attention to give

Just parents consumed putting food on the table

Providing a life that was solid and stable

No time for feelings you had to be strong

You had to be quiet and good to belong

So all Our “bad” feelings would go underground

Into our unconscious is where they are bound

But now we’ve evolved and have time and attention

Now we must deal with what we couldn’t mention

And clean out our feelings of hurt, rage, and dread

That caused this deep ocean of shame we now tread

If we all work together and let this shame flow

We will find that this ocean of shame we’ve let go

Will put out the fires of droughts also made

By what was thought sin and what price must be paid

Droughts of our rage or our drowning in shame

Are a polarized split of our fear, they’re the same

Their “Sin” was just fear that we would not survive

Through our forgiveness of “Sin” we will thrive!! 

From birth I was quiet, reluctant, and shy. It was normal for me to lay low and comply.

So I grew up reserved with most feelings within. Soon with my reservoirs full I’d begin

My life as an empath feeling pains of another. I was so full just to be around others

Triggered reactions as my pain recognized every wound in the room that I empathized.

This cast me in roles of benevolent nurse. This role was a blessing but also a curse.

As a nurse I’d attract someone needing care. I felt I had purpose and felt good being there.

If I fixed their world then mine was fixed too. I continued this cycle until a bomb blew,

And crushed my denial my patient was dying. I was killing myself and still kept on trying

To heal my sick patient by fixing their life. So they never learned to self heal from their strife.

But as codependence was healed we would learn. To purge our own pain that caused us to yearn

For a nurse to fix them to meet unmet need or to fix patient’s pain so my heart does not bleed.

When Nurses reveal their own pain and self heal then patients wake up from sedation and feel.

So they can self heal then as equals be there to consciously choose to consciously care.

Respect is not a parental right; it can’t be coerced or forced from a child. Forced words and behaviors against their volition causes a split in their self a division. So when you’re not looking and your child gets away they create secret worlds where they don’t have to play the role of “good children” who keep truth inside. You’ve taught them to lie and forced them to hide.

Authoritarian force can take a harsh toll behind the facade of parental control is a child that is hiding with anger and shame with volatile feelings that one day they can’t tame. But this loss of control could break through the facade, and prove to these parents the lie of their rod and “respect” that they forced was just fear of aggression that has now left their child with self hate and depression.

These parents thought forcing “respect” was the way, but this forced their kids to resist and betray what they thought they had taught, which cannot be taught. They thought their child bought, what cannot be bought. Respect can’t be taught or forced it is EARNED! When your child feels your LOVE & RESPECT it’s RETURNED!

I wouldn’t have had you if I had an awareness

That I was unconsciously selfish and careless

Believing My children would always do well.

In blindness I birthed you in unconscious Hell.

If I’d known that my family genetics would matter

So much that no matter how hard I tried better

You both would still have to deal with our past

I would have made sure that I would be last.

I thought love and nurture could meet all your needs

That nature can change when true love intercedes

That you were blank slates in a new generation

Depression and fear can’t be passed through relation.

But now that your grown I’m able to see

That problems you face come from more than just me

From Grands and Great Grands both mother and father.

So were we just doomed with no reason to bother?

No we have made changes our family can see!

We are no longer blind and found ways to get free.

We woke up in Hell with mountains to climb.

We’ve conquered addictions one day at a time.

We’re still working to heal our fear and depression

By speaking our truth and supporting expression.

As our legacy changes it causes a shift

Our Hell once a burden transforms to a gift.

We now know our Family would never be healed

Without you in our lives because you revealed

That half the equation is loving and care.

So we constantly worked on ourselves to be there

And you showed us that half Is “the sins of the father”.

This woke us up more so we would still bother

You were born just in time in our unconscious Hell

And if you’d not come we’d be unconscious still.

Our original wound is created at birth

An inevitable part of coming to earth.

When our spirit exists on a much higher plane

Sending part ourselves as a soul causes pain

For the soul that is old is now helpless in need

Of saviors to care and be there, intercede.

There’s no way around it this wound must exist

To be grounded on earth our soul has to twist

And turn for an Ego to form in polarity

As our Id soon descends into sleep and disparity

The Ego continues it’s quest to create

A fantasy world to distract and sedate

But old souls set alarms to awake from their sleep

To rouse the unconscious with wounds that are deep

Because boiling beneath our Ego’s reality

Festering, unconscious rage, and brutality

Creates hell on earth that All of us share

But most are asleep and can’t feel it there.

So how do we heal this and help those who sleep?

Quit searching for saviors and comforts to keep

From feeling the truth of our rage, hurt, and shame.

This stops our projection as well as self blame.

Then starts the truth process of grieving to heal.

Id and Ego unite, back to souls that are real.

And because we’ve united our light and our dark

We will be able to find there’s a spark

Of Love In our heart that we’ve kept from our birth

To ignite, heal our wound, and in turn heal the earth.

Born into dissonance between feeling and thought

From the beginning they feel lost and distraught

Vulnerable children who fear loss of love

Their psyche then spilts to below and above.

Below go the feelings of abandonment fear

Above go the thoughts that comfort them here

Positive thoughts that create false reality

Is more easily handled than a mothers duality

No mother is perfect so this rift We must heal

But positive thoughts only hide and conceal

The abandonment fear a child can’t abide

Denial of the fear makes it grow deep and wide

So how do we heal this unconscious rift

Between Ego and Child have a consciousness shift

We must love and accept childish feelings grown wild

Provide a safe space for our hurt inner child

When no ones around let our child cry and scream

Until thoughts and feelings are not so extreme

Till unconscious dissonance at last is undone

As your AUTHENTIC SELF thoughts and feelings are

                                    ONE

Where is this place that is called by us hell?

Is it deep in the darkness where Lucifer fell?

What if Hell is the Space where unconsciousness lies 

That in Time will awake us and open our eyes?

Lucifer’s myth represents what we’ve hidden

Cast down to unconsciousness feelings forbidden

Above us in heaven our God was Thought Good

If this myth becomes conscious can it be understood?

When time on Earth started souls came to evolve

Goodness and evil were meant to resolve

But dissonant feelings and thoughts caused polarity

To grow and increase in unconscious disparity

So now we must face our unconscious projection

Feelings forbidden cast in mirrored reflection

Creating Earth’s dreamworld with nightmares to wake us

Where all play both parts God and Devil to shake us

Until we wake up and can see through clear eyes

That evil’s just fear in a Devil’s disguise

We will also see fear in a God who’d condemn

His Angel he thought might rise above him

See heaven’s no better than hell they’re the same

They are both based in fear split in anger and shame

Until we can know this and reconcile fear

We’ll continue to live in polarity here

But when reconciled from below and above

The Heart resolves fear into Gravity’s Love ❤️

What would be beauty if all were born blind

Would we be more open, accepting, and kind?

We couldn’t judge others because of their face

We wouldn’t see color or difference in race

Fat, thin, or old would all be just right

So what would be beauty without our eyesight?

We’d have to use insight connect with our heart

Spend time, get to know them, right from the start

Find out what they think and how do they feel

Give them a chance to make their soul real

All insight gained through the heart makes us whole

So we can know beauty that’s found in the soul

By the time that she came

I would come to adore

The old classic name

Of my sweet Eleanor

Both shining and bright

Her soul came to bear

And carry her light

To our family to share

Eleanor’s name

Was perfectly meant

El means the same

As an Angel was sent

My soul cries out “If I exist

I need the answer why

I chose this life and not resist

To live in pain then die”?

No life on earth is painless

No matter who you are

If gainful or if gainless

The pain is still on par

Yet some hurt more than others

Deep wells of sorrow feel

We feel pain in our brothers

That they deny is real

Empaths are a mirror

For seeing pain is true

Our showing pain makes clearer

Expression moves it through

With flow there’s no denying

So pain cannot persist

My soul will then stop crying

And know why I exist

What is authenticity?

It’s being how we feel

Expressing for the world to see

The good the bad the real

It means no more pretending

That everything is good

No “I am fine” defending

When we’re misunderstood

It means that we get mad

When tyranny has won

It means that we get sad

When we feel a harm is done

It means we keep our head up high

Far from the shifting sand

Another’s pain we can’t deny

We have to take a stand

We have to speak out how we feel

No matter who’s offended

Collective pain is ours to heal

By all must be transcended

If truth becomes our consciousness

We’ll give ourselves a gift

Encumbered not by dissonance

Our paradigm will shift!