By the time that she came

I would come to adore

The old classic name

Of my sweet Eleanor

Both shining and bright

Her soul came to bear

And carry her light

To our family to share

Eleanor’s name

Was perfectly meant

El means the same

As an Angel was sent

My soul cries out “If I exist

I need the answer why

I chose this life and not resist

To live in pain then die”?

No life on earth is painless

No matter who you are

If gainful or if gainless

The pain is still on par

Yet some hurt more than others

Deep wells of sorrow feel

We feel pain in our brothers

That they deny is real

Empaths are a mirror

For seeing pain is true

Our showing pain makes clearer

Expression moves it through

With flow there’s no denying

So pain cannot persist

My soul will then stop crying

And know why I exist

I was just seventeen and looking at college

Finishing high school secure in the knowledge

That I’d find a way to stay on the right track

But from my unconscious a bomb blew me back

I was sick to my stomach blindsided by shame

I kept my mouth shut I could not face the blame

My dad would disown me no way could he cope

I’d be out in the street without any hope

With no parent to turn to and only one friend

I would make a decision I could not rescind

I made the appointment frozen in fear

How in the world did I find myself here?

With my friend there beside me I’d wait for the call

To come back and wait once again in the hall

Then when the time came to go through with this test

I asked one more time was I doing what’s best?

“Yes” like before I heard the same voice

“It’s right for both possible lives, the best choice.

“Remember that time I told you, they’re here”.

“Your Son and your daughter in spirit are near”.

“Watching and waiting for destiny’s cue”.

“At a time that is right for both them and for you”.