By the time that she came

I would come to adore

The old classic name

Of my sweet Eleanor

Both shining and bright

Her soul came to bear

And carry her light

To our family to share

Eleanor’s name

Was perfectly meant

El means the same

As an Angel was sent


I spent my whole life hoping

To be nurtured by my mother

I spent my whole life coping

Substituting with another

Acceptance from a friend

Or authorities unknown

Or I would just pretend

I was fine left on my own

So friends that I’d attract

Would do their best to care

There was no giving back

With all our cupboards bare

Unconsciously behind it all

Yet many years ahead

I felt the truth behind my wall

And suddenly felt dead

It took more than a year for me

To know the reason why

Why so much rage and fear in me

Had made my friendships die

No friend on earth can substitute

The nurture of your mother

It cannot grow without a root

Be grafted from another

The time had come to let them go

Illusions fully grieved

How could they give or even know

What they had not received

I had to start anew within

By planting my love’s seed

With nurturing it grew within

Fulfilling my own need

So one day I’ll be ready

From deep roots I’ve grown tall

As fruits of love grow steady

I then can nurture all



My soul cries out “If I exist

I need the answer why

I chose this life and not resist

To live in pain then die”?


No life on earth is painless

No matter who you are

If gainful or if gainless

The pain is still on par

Yet some hurt more than others

Deep wells of sorrow feel

We feel pain in our brothers

That they deny is real

Empaths are a mirror

For seeing pain is true

Our showing pain makes clearer

Expression moves it through

With flow there’s no denying

So pain cannot persist

My soul will then stop crying

And know why I exist


Just Seventeen

I was just seventeen and looking at college

Finishing high school secure in the knowledge

That I’d find a way to stay on the right track

But from my unconscious a bomb blew me back

I was sick to my stomach blindsided by shame

I kept my mouth shut I could not face the blame

My dad would disown me no way could he cope

I’d be out in the street without any hope

With no parent to turn to and only one friend

I would make a decision I could not rescind

I made the appointment frozen in fear

How in the world did I find myself here?

With my friend there beside me I’d wait for the call

To come back and wait once again in the hall

Then when the time came to go through with this test

I asked one more time was I doing what’s best?

“Yes” like before I heard the same voice

“It’s right for both possible lives, the best choice.

“Remember that time I told you, they’re here”.

“Your Son and your daughter in spirit are near”.

“Watching and waiting for destiny’s cue”.

“At a time that is right for both them and for you”.