“Knowing their place”

Unsplash hoch3media

Monarchy thrives when they all “know their place”when “commoners” not only choose but embrace

Positions in life beholding to “betters”, that pay just enough to pay off their gold fetters.

For hundreds of years the “common” were told the monarch protects them and for this they’re owed

Trust and respect, Eternal allegiance. This kept them “knowing their place” without grievance.

Vicarious living through blue blooded tales now keeps them in place when their lives becomes stale.

Cheering at shows of white privilege and pride, to this common bond their fetters are tied.

And in doing, accept they’ve long been conditioned to cheer for a show with no chance of admission

To share in this wealth of these castles and lands they view from a distance and still pay on demand.

So why doesn’t Monarchy fall in disgrace? The “common” uphold them by “knowing their place”.

“Royal” blood does not exist

woman in white dress sitting on chair painting
Unsplash Europeana

No knee should bend nor eyes look down in reverence to raise a crown. For “Royal” blood does not exist, just rivals fighting in the mist. The winner claimed the title “King”. What did this change in bloodline bring?

Incestuous insanity bred Kings and Queens of tyranny. Made wars to conquer foreign lands to meet entitled “royal” demands.

They claimed they represented God, divine by blood in grand facade. These lands they conquered they would claim were their’s to plunder in God’s name.

Still to this day they think it’s right they killed and stole with ruthless might! In recent years set some lands free, yet made not one apology!

Now all kings and queens must fall as karma comes to level all. The blight and pain they left behind, must now be recompensed, they’ll find.

For now the young have come to see, there cannot be equality for the poor or in between the sycophants of “royalty”.

So for our future global health the “royals” must return the wealth their greedy bloodline stole and passed to keep their “royal” idols cast.

Then balance and equality can supersede idolatry. So poor can rise as Queen comes down from pedestal to common ground. Here all can see, for there’s no mist, that royal blood does not exist.

The Trump train to Hell

Irina Irise unsplash photo

Taking the “high road” with Trump is denial

The high road for Trump will take him to trial

Or as many trials needed to pay for his crimes

We’ve waited too long as it is, now it’s time

He’s gotten away with breaking our laws

For five long hard years at no time did he pause

If he still gets away without an accounting

He’ll continue his damage that can’t be surmounted

Might return in four years in a new reign of terror

America would literally die, he won’t spare her

He’d continue to rob her, assault, and abuse her

To line his own pockets, as her pimp, again use her

There is no way in hell she could even begin

To withstand more abuse and live through this again

There would be no more “high roads” to take if we fell

Down again, to once more ride the Trump train to Hell!

Diversity Tokens

Upsplash photo

Why would black and brown people and women support Him?

When Trump, he does nothing, but loathe and abhor them

They’ve conceded to white men who might lend them some power

The patriarchal system that makes beggars cower

Diversity Tokens might move up, become choosers

Like Trump they all want to be “winners” not “losers”

So they joined the Trump Cult and took parts as bad actors

And were grateful for crumbs from the hand of their captor

And were willing to help him stay in his tower

They were glad to pump fists to keep Trump in power

And say ” Hey look at me, this man’s not a racist”

“I’m part of his party and I’m on his A list”

“I’m a good MAGA woman and I treat my man good”

“Trump rules like my man does, like a MAGA man should”

And until they wake up from this bad MAGA dream

And do inner healing to get self esteem

They will keep being Tokens and keep being used

To mask their Cult leader who loves to abuse

ALL women and people of color who hurt

When a racist misogynist lies and diverts

To hide true agendas to keep white men supreme

Using Diversity Tokens to hide MAGA schemes

Above Delusion’s Abyss

(Upsplash) Benjamin Sow photo

How in the world did so many get taken, down deep in delusion’s abyss?

Fundamentalist mind’s have sadly mistaken, as truth what were meant to be myths

Brainwashed to believe unbelievable tales, so dissonance stirred up a cloud

That shrouds what is real and where beliefs fail, so they stay in the box they’re allowed

So over the years with no real education, they kept preaching the fear they’ve been taught

So fear of damnation and the loss of their nation, became storms of delusional thought

So Trump comes along with new lies and would dupe them, because they were primed to deceive

Then Qanon comes with lies so damn stupid, that only Trump fools would believe

He just scooped them all up without a sane word, and made them part of his cult

With racist dog whistles his cult members heard, what they’ve wanted since they’ve been adults

To keep the White Christians in their rightful position, as God’s chosen he made them supreme

These “chosen” supported Trump’s selfish ambition, in a deal to fulfill MAGA dreams

So how does this end can we stop their delusion before Democracy’s done?

We finally replaced their “Dear Leader’s” illusion, in the latest election we won

When delusions play out when their God doesn’t save, the fool they elected to steal

Democracy’s home of the free and the brave, and they’ve lost forever, Trump’s deal

And when Qanon fables and lies come undone and they’re concrete beliefs become myths

They can then lighten up and evolve with the ones, above delusion’s abyss.

CRIME and TREASON

Unsplash Jon Tyson

The election of Trump seemed without rhyme or reason. I couldn’t accept everything has a season.

What deep rooted rage had spawned this nightmare so that half of our country would go blind and not care?

Trump’s lost moral compass lost kids at the border, gassing protesters he would call law and order.

He downplayed the pandemic and science as well, and started our spiraling down into hell.

To let people die maybe into the millions; so the rich could make money into the trillions.

Still he couldn’t believe that he lost re-election with an ego so fragile he’d deny his rejection.

Then lie about fraud so he could redo the election he lost and if not have a coup.

Why can’t the blind feel, how destructive he is, in delusion deny, how disruptive he is.

So it’s left to the rest to make sure when He’s finished that never again will a Weak Man diminish

Democracy’s reign at our Country’s expense so a Fool could be king in a MAGA pretense.

So it’s time to reflect on the lessons we’ve learned. Democracy can be lost and we must be concerned.

Trump’s crimes left unchecked have now shown rhyme and reason; norms MUST become Laws to prevent Crime and Treason!

Trolls

Getty images

Tabloids and haters use Meghan and Harry

As scapegoats of unconscious rage, made to carry

Hundreds of years of racist classism

Seen round the world as Imperialism

They came to join forces to build and cross bridges

But at the same time still fulfill their main missions

Protect their own lives and the life of their son

There is no real life if boundaries aren’t done

To be public and private are not contradictions

They can choose to speak out and still make restrictions

They aren’t paid by the system so there’s no more excuse

For tabloids and haters to dole out such abuse

To those who found freedom they want back in control

So they hide under bridges as they try taking tolls

To keep them from crossing their bridge between races

And their bridge between classes where all have equal places

But Meghan and Harry no longer owe tolls

To cross their own bridges they don’t have to pay Trolls!

“Never Complain, Never Explain”

Unsplash photo

“Never complain, never explain, you must keep to our strict code of silence.”

For a woman of conscience this code was pure nonsense no way could she live in compliance.

How could a girl who spoke truth to the world be a woman whose voice is controlled?

Who’s never allowed to speak truth out loud and her side of the story be told.

The Firm had a chance to soften their stance, be open to changing the system,

But their feigned color blindness was seen through in their silence revealing the truth of racism,

And sexist beliefs that hide underneath the facade of a Consort and Queen.

Who promotes patriarchy behind her monarchy that keeps fear controlled and unseen.

Unconsciously scared they chose not to care to call off the dogs in the press.

They were threatened by freedom that she’d supersede them so in fear they chose to regress.

To again not complaining and never explaining as their chance for real change had to leave.

For her family’s protection and her soul’s resurrection she had to move on to achieve

What Meghan and Harry and Archie will carry this message that some chose to fear;

For sick systems to change we all must complain, to explain this is why they are here!

“Blue Blooded” Tales

Unsplash photo

Charles was forced by the rules to marry a virgin

This “blue blooded” tale had to be the Firm’s version

No matter the harm that it did to all three

Pawns that they used whose real lives could not be

So they cast a facade as a show for the Crown

Charles kept Camilla which kept his wife down

Unconsciously living their ancestor’s fate

King Edward and Alice and his Queen would create

This old toxic tale to recast through the system

Remaking a fate no one real could exist in

Till finally the blue blooded tale came undone

Unraveling lies of the tale the Firm spun

Living the tale had come to cost all

They all lost some time but Diana lost all

So what moral is gained from this tragic old tale

Repeating bad fates should make bad systems fail

Like this system of Royals clinging hard to the past

So it’s time for the Red Blooded Spares they’ve outcast

To build a new system a real life paradigm

So “blue blooded” tales stop recasting in time

The Execution

Dreamstime

As I write these words he is eating his last meal

Every plea for mercy has been made at his appeal

From the federal courts to the court we call Supreme

Vengeance won the battles with it’s punishment extreme

Why is death an issue in this enlightened age

Why are there laws written just to mitigate our rage

How can we just kill them with malice in our hearts

With forethought make a plan for the hour they must depart

To me this sound familiar like premeditated murder

But when we kill our victim we carry it much further

We invite an audience to watch our victim’s death

Stand silent as our victim dies and gasps for their last breath

And then feel satisfaction now we can finally live

But we will not live fully until we can forgive

For the eye and tooth we take will never make it better

Until we give forgiveness our hearts remain in fetters

Our anger might be soothed a while but there’s a price to pay

For we’re much worse for what we’ve done, our vengeance killed today.

Harry and Meghan’s Real Life

Dreamstime photo

He was born as the “spare” this fate was instilled

By all but his mother but then she was killed

Like a fox she was hunted hounded to death

Then all Harry had was what his Mum left

She left a desire to regain what she lost

A life that is real no matter the cost

But Harry was made to stiffen his lip

His unconscious grief fueled many bad trips

Until he woke up and dealt with his sorrows

Turned unconscious fate into conscious tomorrows

So he could attract his soulmate for life

Then he found Meghan his true and real wife

With lips never stiffened in truth she could speak

Born facing truth it was justice she’d seek

She had been righting wrongs since she was a child

So now as a woman she would not be defiled

When the same hunters stalked her, worse than before

She chose to speak truth from her strong inner core

She said “I’m not willing to merely survive “

“My family and I must be able to thrive”

Then they both agreed to do all that it takes

To protect and preserve their souls for their sakes

If they must step back or step down to protect them

They’d keep these boundaries till all would respect them

They won’t let lies stand or denials from the racists

Who whitewash racism with lies that are baseless

“She’s a gold digging actress not fit to be royal”

When it’s her strength and her color that makes their blood boil

Only fools would be puppets in this royal sideshow

Dancing on strings as their noses would grow

When Diana spoke truth she was smeared by the press

They slammed her for voicing her hurt and distress

So she took the lead and left the side show

She cut the strings and let herself go

She blazed the trail for her son and his wife

To regain what she lost and live a REAL LIFE

America’s Cancer

Cooper Baumgartner

Systemic Racism and it’s denial in America has created a malignant cancer that has unconsciously spread to all parts of our country. Through yet another tragedy we’ve been forced to become conscious. Awake again, we can feel the pain of our cancer triggered by the cries of a black man begging his murderer for breath that he would never get. Yet because of his pain and sacrifice we have an opportunity as a country to acknowledge and deal with the reality of our grim diagnosis. I fear though, this may be our final wake up call because we have ignored and denied our symptoms so many times for so many years.

Unfortunately our cancer has progressed too far to surgically remove it all. The only thing that has a chance to work at this late stage is chemotherapy. We must treat our cancer from the inside out. The cure is painful because our therapeutic purges must effect our whole body. All cells must be purged even ones where cancer is thought to not have yet spread.

This chemically induced purge began with the justified outrage of African Americans tired of seeing black people repeatedly murdered without conscience by sociopathic militarized police. Deep festering emotional wounds were exposed again and opened to purge the hurt and anger from inside our collective unconscious. This flowing of previously blocked emotion clears the cancer from our body system. This flow also triggered a needed healing crisis and purging of the unconscious shame of white Americans who have generationally denied the truth of African American experiences of personal and systemic racism.

We all should be grateful for the forceful expulsion of this long repressed outrage which set our healing process in motion. All of this is necessary even if our emotional and sometimes physical purges create collateral damage. Upheaval created by our purges must intentionally tear down imbalanced and unstable structures in parts of our system especially our “justice system” that promotes the metastatic growth of our Cancer. Because until both the collective outrage of the oppressed and the collective shame of the oppressors are acknowledged and purged we will not have a complete healing of our dis-ease.

Undifferentiated Cancer cells are immature cells that lost their memory and forgot how to become whole. Our Cancer has its origins in the hypocrisy of our white supremacist ancestor’s who became adept at forgetting what they said they believed. This is why the same men who wrote the words “all men are created equal” could also proclaim that sovereign African people counted only as 3/5s of a person. With this denial and forgetting of humanity cemented in place they could, without conscience, kidnap, enslave, and own human beings as property.

Over the centuries we have become more and more numb from constantly pounding down our shame into our collective unconscious so we could live with the hypocrisy of what we have done as a nation. And of course we’ve had to numb ourselves to the bone to deny the validity of black people’s justified outrage at what we have perpetrated against them. We have been filling our collective unconscious with our repressed shame and their suppressed outrage for hundreds of years.

Against their free will African Americans became a part of our ancestral roots when they were forced to build the foundations of this country. All of the roots of our country grown in that foundation are drenched in the blood, sweat, and tears stolen from our African ancestors. Yet, our African American roots have still grown strong among us despite being abused and starved without the nourishment of acknowledgment or recompense for their contribution to our country’s very existence.

But these days have come to and end. We cannot heal our cancer until our cells, with fully restored memory, can differentiate and become whole. So we must remember and reclaim the truth, we as oppressors, have selectively denied, that ALL humans are indeed created equal and are endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights. We must also acknowledge and affirm the lucid and intact memories of African Americans who hold the only truly legitimate memories of our history as a whole. They are the only Americans who have not wavered in their authenticity even though we have gaslighted them for centuries with denial of our true history!

So to fully purge our shame we must make amends, which are not just about saying we’re sorry and expecting absolution. Our shame will not be fully purged or absolved until we have asked African Americans what we need to do to change our system and have followed their lead. They must be included in all phases of the true reconstruction of America. To have peace and move forward, as a healed and whole nation, all changes we make must feel acceptable to the ones we have transgressed. They are the only ones who can absolve us of our transgressions.

The more we accept and embrace the painful and sometimes destructive process of our collective healing, the sooner we will have a chance to rebuild our broken nation and become whole. Hopefully for the FIRST time in American history, we as a collective will choose healing and become whole as a nation. Only then will Colin Kaepernick or any American in this country be able to stand up, with our hands over our hearts, and legitimately and honestly say, ONE nation under God, indivisible with liberty and justice for all!

Heal From Abuse

William Farlow Upsplash

How do you heal from hurt and abuse?

You process your feelings through grief

Bringing unconscious layers to conscious renews

Your heart and your soul and belief

That you have the power to heal what they did

When they took your power away

If you express buried feelings then you can get rid

Of your sadness, your shame, and your rage.

When you open you throat and let your rage out

Then your tears can flow out of your eyes

Then you’ll begin to feel without doubt

Your power and strength can arise

Then when you’re faced by one‘s who attack

Your throat is now open to speak

You can put up a boundary, get away or fight back

You’ve found the protector you seek

When you’ve found acceptance through processing grief

You’ll speak truth and truth now you’ll see

You have braved your unconscious and found conscious relief

You’ve healed from abuse, and you’re free

Awaken From Unconscious Hell

We’re told to be grateful for all that we have even through all of life’s trials, but when life is painful, traumatically bad, to be grateful is truly denial.

If you put on a smile only look on the bright side you’re not dealing with life that is real; you add to the unconscious where dark feelings hide repressing how you truly feel.

This is the way the world got so crazy why we live in a world of delusion; why truth is not clear and at best it seems hazy, when we treat how we feel as intrusion.

If my life seems good and going quite well, my unconscious creating less chaos; we still have a world living in hell, projecting unconscious to wake us.

We must all work together create what is real, acknowledge the good and the bad; make the unconscious conscious express how we feel then balance will someday be had.

When we see our untruths like false gratitude create our unconscious spell; we can then break the spell by expressing what’s true and awaken from unconscious Hell.

Black lives matter!

Black lives matter, they shout because they well know that racists don’t value their lives. “All lives matter” shout racists unconsciously showing racism’s not over it thrives.

They shout “all lives matter” to deny and negate that racism even exists. They don’t see they’re exposing their white racist hate that explodes when black people resist.

This comes from their ancestral white privileged core to conquer and use what they will. When you believe you’re supreme then you can ignore the fates of the lives that you’ve sealed.

ONLY WHITE LIVES HAVE MATTERED right from the start when they came and took over this land. They stole what they wanted and tore lives apart, the natives who lived here be damned.

Then they kidnapped black people away from their lands to enslave till they took their last breath. They beat them and forced them to meet their demands, without recompense worked them to death.

Then when they were “freed” from slavery’s bonds, still then, they could not overcome. Through the law’s of Jim Crow racist rage then responds to keep black people under their thumb.

When Dr. King came they marched and they prayed to get back what white people stole. Still racists deny the role racism plays in costing this country our soul.

Our country still loses some soul everyday from denying racism exists. When we refuse to acknowledge we have debts to repay they must tell us once more with raised fists

“We will shout BLACK LIVES MATTER till we matter to ALL!” If ALL listen and heed this appeal, then ALL lives will matter, and together do ALL, to repair our Soul’s damage and heal!

For thinner or fatter

For better or worse

for richer or poorer

In sickness and health

till death do we part.

The love he expressed

In his vows would assure her

Until she gained weight

and his words broke her heart.

He told her he’d lost his want and desire

Her body no longer looked good.

To him staying thin is what is required

His wife to do all that she should.

He threatens to leave because of her weight

He rejects her body and soul.

Now that she’s filled with hurt and self hate

Should being thin now be her goal?

Is it true love when the

marriage is through

When her body

is no longer thin?

Is thinness a duty

that she should now do

Or is this a game

she can’t win?

“For thinner or fatter”,

the vows should ask that

and see if he’ll

marry her then

For if he won’t love her

if she gets fat

Did he love her

when she was thin?

History

Does history repeat itself?

When will we ever learn?

Dust off the book left on the shelf

And read it till we yearn

Again for truth our heart can feel

Within this book is found

Yet once again we’ve lost what’s real

Deceit and lies abound

Again a tyrant planted lies

So fear and hate would spread

And only he could then devise

A plan to cure the dread

The truth was lost so he could gain

More power, fame, and glory

The world was left to feel the pain

Intended to destroy

The bonds of our humanity

And all our ties that bind

The love that gives us sanity

That makes us good and kind

Yet we cannot give up or in

To tyranny and fear

We must wake up from where we’ve been

Till deeper truth is clear

When history does repeat itself

It’s history we deny

When books are left upon the shelf

That told us of the lie

But if we heed the lessons learned

From cycles in our past

With a conscious future earned

We’ll then be “free at last”!

Diversity Tokens

Unsplash photo

Why would black and brown people and women support Him?

When Trump, he does nothing, but loathe and and abhor them

They’re used to white men who might lend them some power

The patriarchal system that makes beggars cower

Like Trump they all want to be winners not losers

Diversity Tokens might move up, become choosers

So they joined the Trump Cult and took parts as bad actors

And were grateful for crumbs from the hand of their captor

And were willing to help him stay in his tower

They were glad to pump fists to keep Trump in power

And say ” Hey look at me, this man’s not a racist”

“I’m part of his party and I’m on his A list”

“I’m a good MAGA woman and I treat my man good”

“My man heads our household like a MAGA man should”

And until they wake up from this bad MAGA dream

And do inner healing to get self esteem

They will keep being Tokens and keep being used

To mask their Cult leader who loves to abuse

ALL women and people of color who hurt

When a racist misogynist lies and diverts

To hide true agendas to keep white men supreme

Using Diversity Tokens to hide MAGA schemes

Skin Color

All humans come from one African mother

From there we spread over the Earth

To Asia, Australia, and Europe and further

Until a mutation was birthed

Light skin was needed to let more sun in

To keep migrants in Europe alive

With so much less sun they needed light skin

To absorb the sun’s rays to survive

This is the reason light skin came about

It was just a genetic mutation

Of our ancestors genes which could not live without

Protection with more pigmentation

So there is no reason on earth to conclude

Superiority equates with light skin

Only sunlight absorption makes us differently hued

And each hue fit the place it was in

We all come from one dark-skinned African mother

Our colors just shades of her skin

All humans exist due to her and no other

From darkest to light we’re her kin

Old Pete McKenzie

Old Pete McKenzie only pretends he

Is better than those that he judges

The truth is he’s jealous of being rebellious

Their authentic lives he begrudges

He unconsciously yearns for knowledge, to learn

Eat the fruits he was taught are forbidden

But now it’s too late he’s too old and sedate

So he’ll die feeling shame and guilt ridden

From all of the blame he used in his game

Projecting his judgement on “sinners”

He left “sinners” behind believing he’d find

Heaven and be declared winner

When his life is reviewed after death he’ll conclude

To eat fruits that give knowledge is best

He’ll now see he misjudged all the lives he begrudged

Left behind as the “sinners” progressed

Whole human race

Only black people know the horrors they’ve suffered, endurance has kept them alive. Through enslavement, Jim Crow, racist systems injustice they’ve had to be strong to survive.

No racist could live through a walk in their shoes from enslavement through law’s of Jim Crow. Through marching for decades still taking abuse just to get back the freedom they stole.

Why can’t a racist feel this inside? They are numb to why black people hurt. Everyday they still deal with racisms divide while racists deny, and divert.

They are blind to the truth, unconsciously driven, to deny their self hate they’ve projected, to scapegoat black people and can’t be forgiven until their racism’s rejected.

When they have atoned for their harm and abuse and have asked for forgiveness and grace from black people who come from our strongest deep roots we’ll become a Whole human race.

Outraged

When the caring are outraged by what’s being done

To abuse and harm people of color

Racists cry “outrage” say they are the ones

Abused, displaced, and who suffer

You don’t get to equate the outrage we feel

With your “outrage” that you’ve misdirected

You have cloaked in the flag and white pride to conceal

Your self-hatred denied then projected

On people of color you’ve killed with your lie

Who stood up to your scapegoating hate

For the INNOCENTS lost we stand up and defy

Speak the truth, don’t let racists equate

They must be confronted their deception revealed

They must change for our outrage to cease

Their unconscious self hate must be consciously healed

For our country to truly have peace

Abortion Opponents

Abortion opponents

Love embryos more

Than babies and children

Who when born they ignore

 

They support “life”

Then oppose life worth living

Healthcare or welfare

They oppose giving

 

They oppose education

That would give them head starts

They don’t want to foster

Live beating hearts

 

Taken from homes

Unloved and abused

These unwanted children

Were just pawns that they used

 

Hypocritical stands

Between practice and preaching

Has caused us to ask

What are Christians now teaching

 

Where’s love for thy neighbor

That Christians once taught

When Christians turned cheeks

Without any thought

 

When they helped and fed children

The hopeless, forlorn

When all these things mattered

Not just the unborn

 

What Christians oppose

They should tell the whole truth

They save the unborn

To oppose them in youth

LIFE

When does a life truly begin

Conception, the heartbeat or breath?

If we lose life’s potential once held within

Is miscarriage a certified death?

 

Should women with certified lives get to choose

What life she is able to bear

Only SHE knows her life, what she’ll gain or will lose

She’s not likely to choose without care

 

Conceptions are lost all the time without knowing

A heartbeat or breath will not be

Two hearts cannot beat if breaths are not flowing

The breaths a woman must breathe

 

Till the, “life is sustainable”, milestone is passed

The only life here is a mother’s

With her heartbeat and breath she can choose till the last

To share possible life in another

 

With no life guaranteed if chosen or not

Because ALL lives start out as potential

We must care and put first the life that we’ve got

A woman’s life and her choice are essential!

Unbridled Passion

 

Unbridled passion is sexual shame

Fueled by taboo like gas on a flame

Partners that cheat or teenage mistakes

Are results of sexual shame when it breaks

Boundaries within us that make us feel strong

Without intact boundaries there’s no right or wrong

 

As shame gets denied for a while it first numbs us

But sooner or later taboo overcomes us

We lose all control in excitement of “passion”

But in truth it’s taboo forcing shame into action

Through torrents of sexual feelings and shame

Creating disasters with “passion” to blame 

 

If we want to heal we must consciously choose

To recycle our shame into love we can use

If we feel and express toxic shame till it’s through

Start loving ourselves and forgive ourselves too

We can have a new start with old programs deleted

With space new connections can now be completed

 

All channels can open to give and receive

We can choose to say yes or say no and leave

Our boundaries won’t break in one moments attraction

Because they are strong with self love and Compassion!

Private parts

Parents should teach children about private parts

Teach personal boundaries before puberty starts

But how do we do this and bring to fruition

A child with good boundaries that can hold this position

You have to allow from a very young age

A child to work through and resolve tantrum stage

This is the time when they learn to say NO

And if parents let them but guide them they’ll go

To the next stage of acceptance of rules

Reasonable boundaries and choice give them tools

To build a foundation of conscious decisions

With practice and time they’ll fulfill their ambitions

Not hindered by unconscious anger to thwart them

They won’t create lives when they cannot support them

When learned their whole lives to make their own choices

They’ll know what is right for themselves and have voices

To speak truth to others those even with power

They can say no, self protect, and not cower

When parents help build their boundaries this strong

Because they weren’t hit and can feel right from wrong

When they are ready they’ll first love with their hearts

And can consciously choose when to share private parts

1975

If it had been illegal in 1975 for Doctors in Birmingham Alabama to perform abortions my life would have turned out drastically different. Looking back at my teenage self I would say even at the age of 17 I was adept at playing out possible scenarios in my mind and seeing where they might lead. I didn’t take the reality of abortion lightly and I needed to use all of my intuitive and feeling skills to do what was best for all of the lives and potential lives involved.

I was physically sicker than my mother described being pregnant with me or my brothers. My gut was churning with fear and dread constantly reminding me that I had to decide as quickly as possible what to do with my life that had suddenly stopped moving forward. I had to pause and weigh all my options as carefully, as I was capable of, feeling throughout the process that all choices that would make it possible to move forward again were equally terrifying.

It came down to the usual three choices you can make when you’re faced with an unwanted pregnancy. I could go through with the pregnancy and raise the child myself, give the child up for adoption, or have an abortion. At the end of my review of these possible futures I was sure of two things, one, there was no way I was ready or even capable of being a mother, and two, there was no way I would ever give a baby up for adoption. There were many valid reasons that involved timing and circumstances that made me so sure about these two things even at the young age of seventeen.

For many years as an adult in therapy I tried to make sense of why I had often as a child and teenager felt so depressed and miserable. I wondered why I ended up pregnant at seventeen and became so sure abortion was my best choice. In my search for the truth I recalled the many times that it was plain to see where the roots of my, not quite suicidal, teenage nihilism came from.

My very fervent fundamentalist Christian mother sometimes during or after a “whipping” and sometimes just out of the blue would say that she wished she had never had children. Not only did she say this with all of her fundamentalist conviction while she was raging and hitting us; she maintained that position even after her rage was sufficiently vented on us. She left no room for doubt that she meant what she said.

This came from a mother who not only chose carefully after four years of marriage to have me, her first born, but chose to birth two more children 3 1/2 years apart when she should have known better by then to bring my brothers into her narcissistic “what was I thinking having these thankless children” world. So if we three, whose existences were so scrupulously planned, were eventually not wanted then what chance did an “illegitimate” grandchild have with that grandmother or that mother who even on a good day wished she didn’t exist?

Growing up in the 60s and 70s hitting and verbal abuse were accepted as effective ways to discipline children even outside the cult of fundamentalism. I knew as an introverted feeler and intuitive person I and most children on planet earth were being abused to some degree. I did not want to find out what the abusive repercussions would be for me being seventeen and pregnant. I was already living in a nightmare where in my experience any bad thing that could happen would happen. There was no way I was going to force a child into this nightmare of mine or the possibility of abuse in some unknown family’s nightmare that I could never know about. So I chose to have an abortion that my family would happily never know had taken place.

What would I have done if there was no Doctor in Birmingham or Alabama where I lived to give me a Choice? At seventeen I couldn’t have traveled very far to find a Doctor. I don’t think I would have had an illegal back room abortion. So I, like most girls who became pregnant before 1973, would have been forced to give birth to a child that I was not ready for or capable of caring for.

If I had been forced to birth this child the worst part for both of us would have been that I probably would have become a terrible mother. I possibly would have even become an abusive mother because of the rage I unconsciously carried from being abused myself.

In my darkest days of being left alone to recover from a beating or hiding from a parental tirade I promised myself if I ever had kids that from the beginning they would be loved and wanted. I promised I would not knowingly hurt or abandon them for any reason. When I was 17 I was not capable of fulfilling these promises to my future self and child. The child would have had a much worse existence than I did and that was not then and still would not be an acceptable outcome for anyone concerned.

So I am very grateful that I had a choice 43 years ago. It had only been two years before my abortion that The Supreme Court affirmed and made into law my right to boundaries that were more real and protective than my parents would ever have allowed me to assert had they known my circumstances. The court affirmed that I had the right to privacy to make medical decisions with a trained licensed physician concerning MY BODY and reproductive health.

So now 43 years in the future, why are fundamentalist “Christians” making laws that infringe on my privacy rights and freedom of religion? Why do their personal religious BELIEFS that say a soul inhabits a zygote on the day of conception get to override and nullify my spiritual BELIEFS that are just as valid to me as theirs are to them. There is nothing in the Bible or elsewhere that says, much less proves, a soul inhabits a zygote from conception. There is no way to PROVE a soul exists at all. Even if a soul does exist there is no way to know when it might inhabit a body or be considered a life. You can’t make laws from one religions perspective without infringing on another person’s or group’s religious or secular beliefs. By making abortion laws based on fundamentalist Christian religious BELIEFS you are forcing the country to practice the religion of fundamentalist Christianity.

What if members of a hypothetical anti-fundamentalist Christian religion decided the best way to change the world and make the world conform to their religious beliefs was to get involved in politics. What if they succeeded in electing enough Representatives and gained the power to make laws using their personal religious beliefs? What if these beliefs included, it is cruel and inhumane to bring a child into the world that is diagnosed in utero with chromosomal defects, or severe brain disease, or organ systems damage? What if you were forced by law to abort such a pregnancy against your will? How would a woman who is personally against abortion for any reason feel? If a woman wants to have this baby it’s HER CHOICE it’s HER BODY, right? I don’t believe fundamentalists would think it is right for this hypothetical religion or any real religion to impose their particular BELIEFS on them.

There are also many people in this country with secular beliefs. Atheists and agnostics have a right to practice their freedom from religion that should not be infringed upon as well. They with most Americans hold steadfastly to the legal principle that says there IS a separation between church and state in this country! “Christians” love and believe in this separation when it comes to their churches not having to pay taxes and their schools and institutions not being subjected to the same restrictions that secular institutions like public schools are subjected to. Yet, they are more than happy to trample all over the separation when it comes to imposing their religious beliefs on others. No American citizen should be subjected to the arbitrary belief systems of a minority of pious and hypocritical fundamentalists.

I BELIEVE that in 1975 no life or soul was lost on the day I had an abortion. I BELIEVE that the souls of my adult children that I chose to birth in 1984 and 1988 are the same souls that could have been born earlier in my life if I had chosen to have them earlier. I don’t regret the choice I made to wait until the time and circumstances were right for them and for me.

My children in turn have the right to BELIEVE or NOT BELIEVE what I feel is true and can live their lives however their own conscience directs them. It is and has always been THEIR CHOICE what to believe spirituality. They were raised at early ages with parental guidance to have choices to believe what they want and to decide what is right for them in every facet of life. So they developed personal boundaries and never had to choose to give up children for adoption or have abortions. I know this is true because they have known since they were teenagers what I have been through and that I would support any choice they would make in their personal life and would not judge them.

Why was I eventually able to raise my children in even better circumstances and more consciously than my parents? Because back in 1975 I had a CHOICE and was able to stay in school, graduate high school as salutatorian, work for two years, go to nursing school, meet my husband, graduate and become an RN, work for 3 years as a child/adolescent psychiatric nurse, get married, consciously conceive, birth, and raise two children as a stay at home mother.

Lots of rough stuff happened in between all of this good stuff that thankfully caused me to seek therapy to heal my wounded inner child. All of these ups and downs experienced over my young adult years helped me grow up and mature enough to be able to keep the promise I made to myself as a child and to my future children. Both of my children have known from the beginning they were and will always be loved and supported by their parents who consciously chose to give birth to them in the right circumstances at the right time for us all.

Judy, my Angel

My parents believed in not sparing the rod. They thought they had duty and orders from God. They thought that their Rods were why I behaved. I almost repeated this lie but was saved.

A couple came over our husbands were friends. Within the first hour his wife Judy defends my own little boy who I thought I was teaching by slapping his hands when he wouldn’t stop reaching.

I thought I was showing great discipline skill. She looked at me sternly which gave me a chill. Then said most directly there are much better ways of teaching your son to hit him betrays boundaries of trust that cause him to fear. He might then hurt others or shut down and not hear.

I was shocked into silence she had put me on pause. But I later did research then took up her cause. But Judy was gone by the end of the week and had moved out of town before we could speak. I wanted to tell her how much she had meant to me and my family in the short time we spent.

I never could find her for thirty three years. But one day while searching I broke down in tears. There was her name my Judy had died. It’s too late to speak to my Angel and guide. But I knew now she knew in those moments so brave by speaking her truth my whole family was saved.

Make a long story short

My poems aren’t written with colorful words

That paint abstract stories with lines that are blurred

My words are intended to make abstract real

For my abstract unconscious to clearly reveal

True feelings felt best through rhythm and rhyme

Rhymes that hold reasons beyond space and time

Feelings that thousands of words might contort

But through rhyme and rhythm make a long story short