Dreaming of my true home

When I dream of my home at night, I rarely dream of the place in the middle of a beautiful forest that I actually live in, in my waking life. I mostly dream of a small, cluttered, apartment that I sometimes share with one or more uninvited guests. I often dream of being lost in an unfamiliar dreamscape of dark and unnamed streets looking for my home. I think my dreams are trying to tell me something until now I was unable to hear. I have been interpreting dreams for many years but never questioned why I usually dream of such futile and lower realities. How did I create my third dimensional life of material wealth when I obviously feel so unworthy in my dreams? I want to dream of my true home.

Being the retired stay at home mom that I have chosen to be, whose husband plays the role of the maker of money with the important title, I must acknowledge and own what my dreams are telling me. I must own my part that obviously believes I am unworthy to have what I and my husband have manifested. In today’s society there is a collective reality which has gotten more and more prevalent since my upbringing in the 1950s and 60’s, unless you earn money and achieve something, collectively believed to be “important”, you as a person are not perceived as being of value. In our present reality we aren’t seen to have intrinsic value as a human being. Both men and women are expected to “be somebody” by doing something to earn fortune and or fame, or at least be married to it, to feel valued in society. It’s a paradigm we have all created as a world consciousness, thinking we are pushing ourselves forward for the betterment of society through the competition to achieve.  Yet, when the unconscious roots of the achievement paradigm are fear of failure, and loss, what you get are the branches of greed, narcissism, and obsession or the other side of the tree, false piety, self hatred, and apathy.

Because of this achievement/failure paradigm that we collectively agreed upon I think we all come into this world with this belief system as part of our collective unconscious. We all believe it on some level even if we are not overtly taught to believe it to be true. We are bombarded everyday with images of super achievers, that top one to two percent, who own the third dimensional world, because they have most of the money, are famous, or have done something we feel in awe of. We as a people not only accept this example of greed, and narcissism, but we celebrate, advocate it, and strive to be part of it. No wonder we all feel inadequate as human BEINGS! We as a collective have put these people on pedestals as our role models of what we should aspire to achieve, but the thing we don’t realize is that these “iconic” people we think are the most self actualized, are really only where they are because they were driven there by their massive amounts of unconscious fear of failure and unworthiness. If they were acting from a place of wholeness and intrinsic value they wouldn’t need to amass such fortunes, or find so much satisfaction in the spotlight, or need to spend large amounts of money on things they don’t have the time or the need to ever use.

Yes, we know and see that these idols and their worshipers all believe in and are acting out the achievement/failure paradigm, but what the rest of us don’t realize is that we believe it as well but we are “REACTING IT OUT” . We react against the achievement/failure paradigm but we are really just the flip side of the same coin, we see ourselves as either being above the need for accolades and the material rewards of achievement or are one of the people who have accepted the roles of the downtrodden or the ones who are the self inflicted failures of society.

When we are triggered by fear which is the common denominator of all feelings, we get an adrenaline rush, this causes three possible responses, fight, flight or freeze. People can respond to fear using mostly just one response but we certainly can mix it up depending on circumstances, but there are people with a certain set of hormones and personality traits that might be most likely to fight when triggered by fear. These are the achievers that use the fear adrenalin to try to create a safer world for themselves, with money and prestige etc. The people who have certain hormones and personality traits who in general might flee because of the fear are the ones who give up and drop out of the society because of failing to meet expectation. Then there are the frozen ones who are stuck in the middle they might move back and forth between the two extremes some but mostly use the defense mechanism of denial and rationalize that they don’t need to achieve because they are above wanting the fruits of achievement. If there are self actualized people out there you don’t hear about them because they are out in the world just creating their lives from a place of intrinsic worth and have worked through the above mentioned dramas.

So how do we change this paradigm we collectively created. The first step is to individually acknowledge and bring into conscious awareness the unconscious feelings of fear, shame and it’s counter feeling anger of feeling unworthy instead of unconsciously acting out the super achiever or “reacting out” the rebellious denier or underachiever roles. If we own and acknowledge, then next we will choose to transmute the lower astral levels of fear, shame and anger  by connecting to our higher selves, by intention or meditation, and opening up our emotional bodies to feel deeply, express in private, and release these energies into balance. When we do this we create a space for higher vibrational energies in our physical bodies. When our daily lives and dreams are clear of the feelings of unworthiness, and fear, we will be able to become an open conduit for higher energies and awareness to come through and merge with our physical world. When enough of us hold this higher vibrational awareness in our fields of perception then all of our awarenesses will shift to higher dimensions and a new paradigm of unconditional love, and intrinsic value will be experienced by all. We will become the NEW EARTH as was foretold by many spiritual traditions. In this higher dimensional reality we will know we are worthy. When our new paradigm is deeply and consciously rooted in our intrinsic worth we will bear branches of cooperation, compassion, and creativity. In our lucidity we will realize we are in our true home once again! We have recreated paradise and are living in the Garden eating freely the fruits of unconditional love from the Tree of Life in the most beautiful forest you can imagine.


HOW did it happen,

why did Trump get elected ?

Why was the most

qualified woman rejected?

I thought we were

farther along with Obama

That both men and women

were healing our drama

But unconscious shame

was hiding our rage

We weren’t healed enough

to turn history’s page

The black man and woman

had brought the truth out!

Misogyny, racism unleashed

without doubt!

All of this darkness

now had to be felt

No more denying

the cards that were dealt

All black lives matter!!

and Hell yes, Me Too!!

We had to wake up

and feel ALL that is true!!

Or old hidden wounds

would threaten us still

If left in the dark

to unconsciously kill.

So when Trump is gone

And our atonement is through

Then I will be grateful

We were forced to face truth.


Judgement of others is just a projection

Of judging ourselves, and unconscious rejection

Of feelings of shame that mirrors revealed

Reflecting desires unconsciously sealed

What makes us reject these feelings we hide

We want to look good and feel righteous inside

So we have to project our shame on another

To feel self assured it’s our sister and brother

Who chose the wrong path, from our path went astray

If only they’d listen to us as we pray

But journeys like this don’t follow a plan

We’ve gone now full circle back where we began

But this time we see who we judged was not wrong

They just took a route that appeared hard and long

But here at the finish they’re right here beside us

They were our reflection just wanting to guide us

To heal hidden shame not to judge and condemn

For they all are us and we all are them!

Humanity’s Suffering

Humanity’s suffering is too hard to bear

We build walls around it to not see it there.

Unconsciousness shifts from one side to the other

Unconscious or not we feel for our brother

And feel him we must to open our heart

But then go within and take on our part

Of suffering’s pain that’s trying to guide us

To unconscious walls built with shame that divide us.

When we own OUR pain it becomes not the other

But oneness within, we are our OWN brother

As pain breaks down walls of our shame we will know

OUR pain was but Love that was crying to flow