From birth I was quiet, reluctant, and shy. It was normal for me to lay low and comply.

So I grew up reserved with most feelings within. Soon with my reservoirs full I’d begin

My life as an empath feeling pains of another. I was so full just to be around others

Triggered reactions as my pain recognized every wound in the room that I empathized.

This cast me in roles of benevolent nurse. This role was a blessing but also a curse.

As a nurse I’d attract someone needing care. I felt I had purpose and felt good being there.

If I fixed their world then mine was fixed too. I continued this cycle until a bomb blew,

And crushed my denial my patient was dying. I was killing myself and still kept on trying

To heal my sick patient by fixing their life. So they never learned to self heal from their strife.

But as codependence was healed we would learn. To purge our OWN pain that caused us to yearn

For a nurse to fix them to meet unmet need or to fix patient’s pain so my heart does not bleed.

When Nurses reveal their own pain and self heal then patients wake up from sedation and feel.

So they can self heal then as equals be there to consciously choose to consciously care.

Respect is not a parental right; it can’t be coerced or forced from a child. Forced words and behaviors against their volition causes a split in their self a division. So when you’re not looking and your child gets away they create secret worlds where they don’t have to play the role of “good children” who keep truth inside. You’ve taught them to lie and forced them to hide.

Authoritarian force can take a harsh toll behind the facade of parental control is a child that is hiding with anger and shame with volatile feelings that one day they can’t tame. But this loss of control could break through the facade, and prove to these parents the lie of their rod and “respect” that they forced was just fear of aggression that has now left their child with self hate and depression.

These parents thought forcing “respect” was the way, but this forced their kids to resist and betray what they thought they had taught, which cannot be taught. They thought their child bought, what cannot be bought. Respect can’t be taught or forced it is EARNED! When your child feels your LOVE & RESPECT it’s RETURNED!

I wouldn’t have had you if I had an awareness

That I was unconsciously selfish and careless

Believing My children would always do well.

In blindness I birthed you in unconscious Hell.

If I’d known that my family genetics would matter

So much that no matter how hard I tried better

You both would still have to deal with our past

I would have made sure that I would be last.

I thought love and nurture could meet all your needs

That nature can change when true love intercedes

That you were blank slates in a new generation

Depression and fear can’t be passed through relation.

But now that your grown I’m able to see

That problems you face come from more than just me

From Grands and Great Grands both mother and father.

So were we just doomed with no reason to bother?

No we have made changes our family can see!

We are no longer blind and found ways to get free.

We woke up in Hell with mountains to climb.

We’ve conquered addictions one day at a time.

We’re still working to heal our fear and depression

By speaking our truth and supporting expression.

As our legacy changes it causes a shift

Our Hell once a burden transforms to a gift.

We now know our Family would never be healed

Without you in our lives because you revealed

That half the equation is loving and care.

So we constantly worked on ourselves to be there

And you showed us that half Is “the sins of the father”.

This woke us up more so we would still bother

You were born just in time in our unconscious Hell

And if you’d not come we’d still be there as well.