Forgiveness is not a decision or choice. It involves a grief process, given a voice.

Grief has five stages with no order required. You go with the one that you feel in real time.

Then as long as it takes when you get true acceptance then you have a decision, just forgive or forget this?

If you want to “forget”, this means reconcile. Another long process you must do for a while.

You have to be truthful and express all your feelings. the forgiven must have understanding, for healing.

They must be repentant, change their mind, and direction. Contrition must happen to build trust and connection.

If this doesn’t happen then there’s no reconciling. Then, more times than not, you’ll break up from denying.

But you can just forgive and then let them go. You’ve done all the work, freed your heart and your soul.

And you cannot force anyone to agree, that without reconciling true caring can’t be.

So then, you do have one more big decision, toxic denial or true, just, forgiveness.