There is no way an Empath’s stay on Earth today can be okay.

Too many people, armed and lethal, preaching evil, under steeples.

They use religion’s coercive mission, turned Trump’s ambition of forced submission.

Perverting justice to hurt and crush us. They hate, insult, the just amongst us.

At the cost of humans lost. Through red lines crossed without just cause.

Empaths cannot be okay, today or any other day, until lost justice debts are paid.

For years I’ve sought justice for others in need. Without hesitation, I stood up, took the lead.

So why is the Universe punishing me, dealing with people who lie, cheat, and steal?

Is it just to just “let them” stab me in the back? I’m done killing myself holding rage for bad acts.

This rage that I have is held numb in depression. Suppressed now ten years demanding expression.

This is the shit the world wants to keep hidden. The rage of a woman is strictly forbidden.

I am done holding back my true valid feelings. The Universe triggered this rage for my healing.

By expressing my rage my depression dispels. I can keep seeking justice, this time for myself!

So what is true love when you get past addiction to longing for something unreal? Well, love then becomes caring connection, close enough to help each other heal.

There will always be difference between sovereign people, who have their own sovereign path. But, if your paths are aligned, and stay close together, you can heal in the present, your past.

Then keep moving together into the future, because your connection stays strong. Through this true love connection you’ll feel comfort and care, and know this is where you belong.

Positive affirmations, and gratitude lists, deep meditations that seek to find bliss, these long practiced techniques are a spiritual bypass, and like drugs keeps you seeking relief once you’ve tried this. It widens the breach between shadow and light. Which must be integrated to balance insight.

The road that I’ve chosen to find inner peace is to go deep within, find my losses and grieve. All hurts, held unconscious, stem from a loss: of love, rights, and safety, these and more are the cause. The unconscious holds wounds that try to reveal, by repeating our hurts, so that we can be healed.

Any practiced techniques that we learn to do, might ease our pain but it won’t heal the wound. Techniques must be done for the rest of our lives. As the wound slowly festers and grows in denial. We have to heal wounds by grieving through truth. That we’re angry and hurt and feel shameful too.

Bring the unconscious conscious and express in some way. Punching bags release anger, crying out, hurt and shame, until we accept and forgive the betrayal, by friends, family, and lovers, relationship failures. That doesn’t mean you must leave or must stay. It means you can finally let go, a new way.

You’ll start being authentic and have boundaries to say, if you want to travel with me, there’s a way. By healing yourself just like I am doing. If you’re willing, we’ll start, together pursuing, integration of shadow and light, til we find this. On our road less traveled, with no spiritual bypasses.

When I was a child I felt unprotected. My parents were bonded while I felt rejected. I never felt part of a family of five. But when parents abuse you, you find ways to survive.

I tried to stay hidden as much as I could. Out of my house, behind doors, sneaking food. I didn’t have choices, I couldn’t be me. I dreamed of the day I’d grow up and be free.

Then I became older, about age 15. I wore a thick coat everyday faithfully. Felt I must cover up, no matter the weather. For unconscious reasons it made me feel better.

I was attractive and skinny, in fact. But I never felt this, I always felt fat. As I kept getting older, men started to notice. I got cat calls, long looks, with lascivious focus.

So again began hiding to keep myself safe. Retreated to limerence, in delusional ways. I played hard to get, became my false self. Played push me pull you, til I finally got left.

Until one man got me and I got him too. He asked me to marry, so we carried through. Then after our baby I gained a few pounds. After the next one more weight held me down.

So I went up and down with this burden I carried. My husband wanted the wife that he married. But she didn’t exist, so it had to be said, “If you don’t love me now you must find someone else.”

I grieved deeply to say this, thought I’d found self esteem. With new found self acceptance, my ultimate dream. But now writing a poem about being authentic, I realized what caused my weight gain to begin with.

From the beginning I had no protection. The beatings, berating, my family’s rejection. I had to find refuge to hide from all that. Behind doors, thick coats, or deep layers of fat.

So, now I must grieve what I didn’t receive. protection, connection, or caring relief. As my inner child tried to comfort my pain. She’d been trying for years to keep us both safe.

So, I had a big cry for my hurt inner child. That from our beginning was shamed and exiled. I looked in the mirror, said, “I love you so much.” She said, “Until you feel safe, I’ll still cover you up.”

Forgetting and losing, made me feel really dumb. Defending and proving, made me feel really numb.

The shame that I felt being AuDHD, that I numbed and suppressed for years to not see, has come up again for more layers releasing. I dreamed my graduation would not be proceeding.

It’s the hardest to stay with, to feel unconscious shame. There’s no other feeling that hits you the same. It hurts like a gut punch to feel so exposed. You can’t answer back or defend against blows.

But after this dream, still feeling this shame, I woke up, stayed in it along with my blame. Then after I cried like a little lost child. I could remember, what my dream tried to hide.

I graduated early, 6 months in advance. I had the second best grades in my class. I then was a nurse, then, finally a mother. My ultimate goal ahead of all others.

To raise my own children in a whole different way. To love and protect them and help them feel safe. I spent 24 years devoted to this. And healing myself from all that I missed.

Still we’re all on the spectrum or ADHD. Finding strength being different supports getting free, from the shame I forgot, that left truth far behind, when releasing is done I’ll remember, and find.

From my first childhood shock to my very worst last, I’ve been taking long journeys for years through my past. Every trauma I’ve had from way back to near. I’ve confronted my numbness frozen in fear. From my first birthday party when I became three. Til my mother’s last breath was witnessed by me.

What happens first when you have a great loss? There’s a shock felt within from whatever the cause. Then numbness comes in when you can’t fight or flee. When you’re helpless and shocked as a child, some will freeze. So to process numbed fear I literally shake. I sit in a chair and let my legs quake. What sometimes comes next is spontaneous yawning. Sometimes I feel cold, my teeth chatter in thawing. Until the whole process gradually fades. Til I no longer feel fearful, and, my coldness abates.

Then when I’m ready I connect my old traumas. Reliving each scene to grieve painful dramas. I say what I wish I had said when I froze. Soothing myself until feelings flow. Every time that I do this a layer releases. I feel lighter inside the more that I feel this. Because as my unconscious purges more grief, I have more forgiveness and conscious relief.

I’ve heard many say, when they see those in need, they’re more grateful for what they have got.

I cannot feel grateful for my good lot in life when their bad lots have made them, have nots.

The lots that are cast by hierarchical systems makes gratitude, soft golden fetters.

Tied to their gratitude copium pipe, to make our own bondage feel better.

It keeps us complacent so we don’t demand, health care, shelter and food.

For all human beings living on earth, we must have all these needs understood.

Know that we all deserve the means to survive. Innate worth can’t be measured, or proved.

When the needful get justice, and can’t be gratefully used, we’ll have cause to have real gratitude.