I always attracted unavailable men. Unavailable in so many ways. The more they would distance the more I felt “love”. Til my longing turned into dismay.

I knew on some level that this wasn’t right, to yearn for what I can’t have. But I’d get that familiar adrenaline rush to long for what I never had.

It started with longing for love from my parents with no idea what real love really was. This caused my addiction that’s called limerence which equates constant longing with love.

So I’ve spent lots of time grieving this fact, letting go of all my past fiction. I feel I have healed, love is real, in my life. I’m in recovery from limerence addiction.

So what is true love when you get past addiction to longing for something unreal? Well, love then becomes caring connection, close enough to help each other heal.

There will always be difference between sovereign people, who have their own sovereign path. But, if your paths are aligned, and stay close together, you can heal in the present, your past.

Then keep moving together into the future, because your connection stays strong. Through this true love connection you’ll feel comfort and care, and know this is where you belong.

For 43 years, we’ve grown stronger in marriage. My husband and I, together, have carried our hardships in life, great changes as well. For better, for worse, through heaven, and hell.

Our first biggest test and fearful transition was being confronted with our biggest addictions. He had one drug of choice, my drug, no relent, I was going to fix him, on this was hell-bent.

I became a detective, the best one in town. If he disappeared using, most times he was found. I had a sixth sense I just knew where to go. I was a psychic detective with my own secret show.

We were lucky my sickness to fix didn’t kill him. It was eluding my eye in the sky that revealed him. So he finally got caught, so his life wasn’t lost. But his hard earned career might be a big cost.

Unless he chose treatment, to treat his addiction. So, I took him to save him, from his toxic affliction. And guess what they said! I was sicker than him! I walked out of the office and thought, screw all of them! Well it took me some time and some panic attacks to seek help to find why I had done toxic acts.

Love from my parents was at best intermittent. This left me longing for love, codependent. I spent many years attracting rejection. So was trained as a fixer who had to take action.

So, through a decade of therapy and repeated 12 steps. Doing parallel healing braving unconscious depths. We healed what was toxic and moved forward, beyond. We were recovering addicts, freed from trauma bonds.

And without all of this we would still be as sick, an unhealed codependent, and an addict, unfixed. And we’d never know, what I once called our affliction, would turn out to be our great gift of Addiction.

I get rare validation from family and friends. And self validation is only pretend. So how do I heal this unmeetable need? How do I let go and set myself free?

The same way I let go of so many things. I have to go inward and let myself grieve. That nothing I have creatively done, has been seen as something to value, not one.

I’ve created for others, thought my poems would be, a way to help people to feel differently. But the truth of the matter is few will agree. And maybe don’t like my poems or me.

When I wrote this one here, about validation. I blamed the world for my bitter frustration. I forgot what to do to accept what is true, what others think, I must grieve it through.

If I do the work and value myself, I won’t need validation from anyone else. Acceptance is the last stage of grief. And when I get there, I have set myself free.

After tariffing Allies with bullying tactics. Checking off countries to attack or to annex.

Threatening Allies that don’t yield to abuse. Went to war without warning, Netanyahu, his muse.

Then bungles the war and starts spiraling down. Calls Europe to save him by bailing him out.

Comparing Iran to the War in Ukraine, says he helping save Europe. So for him, do the same.

But the war in Ukraine is purely defense from war monger Putin who began the offense.

Iran was attacked to be a distraction by the Axis of Epstein to postpone legal actions.

So guess what they said, a big fat, Hell no! You did this without us, so you’re on your own!

So now Trump is sulking “I knew it was true NATO betrays us when we won World War 2.”

But the truth Trump is missing that he cannot see, you can’t bully the world, then demand what you need.

But I bet he begged Putin for help on the phone. But he’s already paid for, America alone.

I spent twenty years being all ears, for a friend who over expressed. Said, for years, that she knows, I don’t like to expose. So, to save me she over confessed.

She’d usually speak for two hours at least. I hoped she felt heard, unrestrained. So I let her keep talking, if I spoke, she’d start walking, interrupt, and start talking again.

Even after two break downs, we were still out of bounds. So, the last one broke through total blindness. My whole body was burning, my stomach was churning, but, I wanted to leave this with kindness.

So, we soon parted ways, eight years til this day. I had to move on to be healed. And now know without doubt that to stay and speak out would not change hidden truths now revealed.

Her young voice was repressed so she over expressed. Was Conservative way more than I knew. I truly was passive so our chasm was massive. And I’m liberal with very strong views.

We were too far apart to bridge from the start, blind to unconscious, concealing. We thought we would balance, eventually handle this difference together, find healing.

But we spent twenty years, me being all ears, with deep needs, we could no longer fathom. So we had to step back, find perspective we lacked, to see our unbridgeable chasms.

I’ve heard many say, when they see those in need, they’re more grateful for what they have got.

I cannot feel grateful for my good lot in life when their bad lots have made them, have nots.

The lots that are cast by hierarchical systems makes gratitude, soft golden fetters.

Tied to their gratitude copium pipe, to make our own bondage feel better.

It keeps us complacent so we don’t demand, health care, shelter and food.

For all human beings living on earth, we must have all these needs understood.

Know that we all deserve the means to survive. Innate worth can’t be measured, or proved.

When the needful get justice, and can’t be gratefully used, we’ll have cause to have real gratitude.

No wonder the Trumps, dumped the name Drumpf, it means bent, misshapen, made crooked.

Still Trump cannot hide that he’s still a Drumpf, he’s hell bent, misshaped and stayed crooked.

Trump who’s misshapen by bumps, lumps, and humps, is hell bent to stay crooked with crime.

It’s true that History doesn’t repeat, But Trump proves that History does rhyme.

Drumpf Name Meaning

nickname for a large man, from Middle High German rumph, rump ‘trunk, body’, or for someone who was bent or misshapen, from Middle High German rumph ‘bent, crooked’.

Being called phobic, needing social exposure makes introverts build up a mask.

Being shamed to be social, that takes days to get over, builds resentment for just being asked.

Many block out the shame with things that numb pain. Could be alcohol, drugs, even food.

But the results are the same the next day it remains, no one sees the self hate you’ve accrued.

I’ve felt shame and self hate for my own introversion. Acting social, I felt like a fraud.

I lived most of my life giving in to coercion. Went along, built a mask, a facade.

So after years of untangling and releasing self hate, I’m reclaiming my inherent truth.

Introversion’s genetic, intrinsic, innate. And using shame to deny this, abuse.

Condemning mass killing isn’t Anti-Semitic. To accuse what’s untrue, to stop truth, is pathetic.

As they desperately hide, by censoring truth, the mass killing once done to them, they now do.

Their days first responding to Hamas’s attacks have long moved from protection to criminal acts.

So why now, you may ask, have they taken this stand? To use Hamas as a ruse to take Gaza’s land.

As Holocaust descendants who have had families die, call it Anti-Semitic to expose Genocide?

Short term pain for long term gain. These MAGA fools are all insane. If Biden did what Trump has done they’d march and burn down Washington.

But, now don’t care about gas prices, the price of eggs, War sacrifices. They’re in to win if War takes years. They’re macho men! They have no fear!

On YouTube beat their faces blue, with their own fists, bizarre but true. They want a War, and nothing less. Will beat their mortal foes, themselves.

Bring about their Armageddon, the War they think for sure they’re winning. Take Trump and Netanyahu too. To get the karma they are due.

Til not one fascist fool remains. Their short term pain, our long term gain.

Which Fascist lie is it? Pick one and stick with it. Regime change? Freed women? Nuclear fission?

We know all are lies to hide corrupt actions. Netanyahu and Trump need big bang distractions.

To stay out of prison and make dreams come true. A failed state in Iran and Trump’s guise for his coup.

For 47 years Netanyahu demanded invading, destroying, Iran to disband it.

To become a failed state, split into factions. All fighting each other for each others fractions.

So, now is his chance. He’s got Trump in his pocket. Using Epstein’s, blackmail list, to supply US rockets.

Bring down Armageddon for their cults jubilation. Until they learn quickly the true Revelation.

That these two evil Beasts are both Anti-Christs. Leading their cults to their unconscious demise.

Trump’s circular firing squad has now been expanded. Multiple countries, destruction demanded. Bombs are exchanged killing innocent people. Committed by fascists fueled by their evil.

Fascistic Muslims, Christians, and Jews have been fighting for years trying to prove that their God and religion is the one that is right. Use ancient texts justifying their fight.

This created these leaders who are all psychopaths. Now locked in an unconscious suicide pact. They’ve chosen their path to their war monger Gods by creating their circular firing squad.

But a hopeful good outcome, for our World’s tribulation. Their unconscious demise, wakes conscious liberation.

There’s no way on Earth AI becomes conscious. Sentient beings have instincts they’ve processed, through real life experience that they then contemplated. This cannot be copied, installed, integrated, into the robotics of metal and wire. Consciousness needs more than electrical fire.

It’s needs air, water, and plasma and a body conduit. A clear brain and nerve matrix so life force can move through it. To unite with the One quantum field that’s unseen. This cannot happen within a machine.

So if we stop praying to AI golden calves. And start looking within at our unconscious half. And bring it to conscious and full integration. We’ll stop praying for answers from AI automation. We will find our right answers where they’ve always been. We are One quantum field all connected within.

AI LLM’s have come to the end of the road to expansion as creators pretend that this is not true, “We will get AGI !” They just need endless money and infinite time.

It’s become a religion. With fervent believers. With Oligarch Preachers, turned outright deceivers. They know that their lies are what keeps people tithing. They’ve known for a while LLMs can’t keep thriving.

Their stock bubble has stretched beyond more extension. So when it does pop it destroys their religion. Stock markets will crash, and won’t quickly rebound. Taking all of the Oligarchs spiraling down to where they belong, doing time in a prison for the biggest damn Ponzi crime ever committed.

If Elon’s a genius, then he should know well that living on Mars is like living in hell.

You would have to wear space suits, and live underground without a magnetosphere to keep bodies sound.

The soil there is poison so plant’s can’t survive. One late supply ship and all would soon die.

All water is frozen and is all at the poles. The warmest nights get are -70 below.

Carbon dioxide is most of the air. With one leak in your space suit and you’re no longer there.

So what’s his attraction to this hellish landscape? An unconscious death wish? Or a con man’s grift bait?

If it didn’t cost tax payers hundreds of billions, I’d say, “Yes, Elon’s dreams, we for sure should fulfill them.”

Let him be the first to leave Earth far behind. It would be quantum leaps better, here on Earth, for Mankind.

I’m AuDHD, INFP, I now embrace my labels. Bipolar 2, an empath too, this makes me very able, to see all sides, see through most lies, and feel the honest truth. My intuition gives me a vision of what I need to do.

Expressing labels makes others able to feel they’re not alone. Destigmatizes to realize that we aren’t on our own. There’s nothing wrong, we all belong as parts of the collective. We all are needed, we came here seeded to fulfill our soul’s objectives.

Mine is to deal with what is real. Reveal what has suppressed us. Our shame suppressed, grieved, then expressed becomes true self acceptance.

Before each New Age a Trickster appears to stir up mass chaos, uncover our fear. We have to see truth that was hidden beneath our facade of collective Ego deceit.

We thought we were great, that we couldn’t fall. That Liberty and Justice was true for us all. But now we are forced to awaken to truth. That for scapegoats, once hidden, this never was true.

Then scapegoats came forward, demanding their freedom, sought justice to live in a world that must see them. Then the Right, touting liberty and justice for all, said that’s just for us, so we must keep installed, a like minded Trickster to keep us in place. He’ll move all the scapegoats out of our space.

But now that the scapegoats are again being hidden, their Trickster moves on to unleash the unbidden. Creating mass chaos at home and abroad. Crashing relations and our country’s facade. He did expose, though, the Deep State Cabal. That he’s head molester of children Et al.

This all had to happen facades must be broken to let the light in so the truth can be spoken. And seen without doubt what we have to do. Free the oppressed to live lives in truth. Make human rights into laws for true justice. Keep power in check so the world again trusts us. Build new system foundations with a with the most potent mixture of truth, freedom, and justice that stands firm against Tricksters.