I used to wish I had never been born. Between pleasure and pain my life had been torn. This life felt like mostly a fight to survive. A hope for relief is what kept me alive.

So I tried doing more or completely abstaining. But this didn’t work I just kept creating a much deeper cycle that was harder to break. So how do I balance my pleasure and pain?

My intuition led to expression, of anger and shame causing manic depression. I was shamed for my pleasure then had pain from self hate. Anger turned inward is what shaming creates.

It’s passed through generations then instills in genetics. It make us bipolar, electromagnetic. Through polarized cycles goes round and round with each generation spiraling down.

Until we wake up because of addiction or cycles of pain caused by many afflictions. And if we’re awake and seek to stay conscious we can finally express in the flow and can stop this.

Stop cycles creating unconscious lives. When expressing true feelings our conscience can thrive. With our true guidance system we stay more in the flow. We become our authentic selves as we go.

There are still ups and downs over the years but as long as we’re real and transmuting fear, we can move forward in truth, self-revealing. I’m finding my balance through authentic healing.